The Seven Deadly Sins of Facebook

A gripe session, which also produced a lot of laughs, with co-workers last night revealed we all had similar pet peeves regarding the most annoying things people do on Facebook. I narrowed it down then added a few gripes of my own to fill out this list.

The status update is the most visible place to mess up, so that’s what most of these sins are. And we’re all guilty of at least one of these, whether we admit it or not.

7. TMI (Too Much Information)

TMI comes in a variety of forms, and it’s hard to pin down exactly what it is, but you know it when you read it. Any status involving your money situation, or relationship problems (“Joe hates two-faced chicks”), or toe fungus or whatever, is beyond what your friends need to know.

Personally, I’d include absolutely anything political in this category. I have a hard time checking Facebook on election days because the people I disagree with often irritate me, and the people I agree with usually make asses of themselves.

6. Overliking/Becoming a fan of everything

“Sally found a $10 bill on the ground!” “Billy scored free concert tickets!” “Josie found her missing sock!” And you liked them all. We get it. You like when things go well for others, apparently. But you’re coming off like a stalker. So limit the “likes” to say, three a week, k?

“Jess became a fan of The Beatles.” “Blair became a fan of Bottled Water.” Just limit the fandom to things that are quirky about you, like Carlsberg beer or the TV show “Supermarket Sweep”. Being a fan of something popular is kind of blah. Use that space to be interesting instead.

5. Your perfect kids

Gee, I wish my parents had had Facebook for every time I got a 100 on a spelling test. Because there would have been a lot of times.

I know someday I’ll want to tell the world every time my little doppelganger learns a new word, or post a picture when he or she looks adorable in a new outfit. But I’ll try to limit who I share that with, because a) 90 percent of my Facebook friends absolutely do not care, and b) a child isn’t old enough to understand privacy or control what information about them goes onto the Internet. So let’s protect them as long as we can.

4. Your crappy life

So your car battery died, you contracted swine flu, your dog ran away AND your order at Taco Bell got messed up, all in the same week? Wow, your life is terrible. Or, more likely, you’re exaggerating and are desperate for attention. (It was just the sniffles and the dog came back 30 minutes later? Hmm, you didn’t mention that.)

3. What holiday?

Go ahead and get excited for July 4, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc. Just keep it out of your status. Some of us do have to work and don’t want to be reminded that there are careers that don’t involve the workplace being open 365 days a year.

2. My Perfect Life

“Kassidy is sitting on the couch with my sweet puppy and amazing hubby, drinking spritzers and watching The Office! I love my life!” Why do people feel like they have to prove how happy they are? If you were really enjoying the moment, updating your status on your iPhone would have been the last thing on your mind.

1. FarmTown, FarmVille, Mafia Wars, Vampire Wars, FishVille, etc.

How on earth did virtual farming get so popular? If you play any of these online games regularly, you are most likely unemployed (or trying to get fired), single, or both.  I admit I’ve never played these games, but it’s only because I want to at least keep up the illusion I have a life.

Dishonorable mentions:

• obnoxious sports fandom,
• people who use their kid’s photo (or an ultrasound) as their profile picture,
• random music lyrics for statuses,
• inconsiderate friends who post inappropriate links on your wall or unflattering photos of you,
• the non sequitur update (“Jason likes steak.” Really?),
• the mundane status update (“Rose made scrambled eggs.” Fascinating!).

I know some of these, especially No. 1, came off as harsh, but to all the offenders, this is for your own good.

Trust me, I’m no Facebook saint (I’m a “liker”, and I admit it.) But we could all stand to take a moment the next time we log in and think about what our online behavior really says about us.

Or better yet, log off, make the world a better place, and leave a little mystery about ourselves.

Hard to watch

On a rare Saturday off, I spent the better part of a beautiful, 75-degree February afternoon indoors watching college basketball. And I’m a little frustrated.

First off, the world is not right when Oklahoma State sucks at basketball. (The men, not the women. The Cowgirls can hold their own.)

OSU got whooped by Kansas, 78-67, in Lawrence. Yes, the Jayhawks are ranked, defending national champions and were at the Phog.

But I don’t care. I hate OSU’s style of offense right now.

I admit I know much less about basketball strategy than baseball, football or hockey. But even I can tell when something is broken.

You live by the 3, you die by the 3. OSU died by it today. Missed shots all over the place. And when a shot would clank off the rim, a Kansas player nearly always snatched it up. That made for many short possessions, which is frustrating to watch. OSU gets the ball, brings it down the court, takes a quick shot from beyond the arc, misses, and it’s KU ball again. Over and over. It’s a very impatient offense.

My favorite thing to yell at the TV is “REBOUND!!!”, and I did that quite a bit today. (“FOUL!” is a close second.) It drives me crazy when no one is there to get the ball back after a missed shot.

I have to admit that when the system works, it is too much fun to watch. The 3-pointer is one of the most exciting plays in all of sports. I think it’s the delicious anticipation that occurs between the release and the swish. And I have seen it work for OSU this season against lesser competition. That style of offense is great when it works, but unbearable when it fails.

One more thing: While I love the exposure of nationally televised games, I hate the announcing. While I am certainly not the first person to complain about this, the mistakes were ridiculous today.

During the OU-Colorado game, the announcers were talking about the work ethic of Sooner bench player Ryan Wright, and how “Kelvin Sampson” works with him in practice. Really?! This is only Jeff Capel’s third season at OU! Give the man some credit.

And during the OSU-KU game, someone said Rotnei Clarke (a former Oklahoma high school standout) was at Mississippi State. He’s actually at Arkansas. Ugh.

Miles of smiles

If you want to make a copy editor groan, format a quote like this:

President-elect Barack Obama was in a joking mood with sports reporters on Monday.
“While the economy is important, we need to get rid of the BCS first,” Obama smiled.

While the above quote is fictional, the goofiness of the “smiled” attribution is real. Imagine how ridiculous it would sound if you could actually smile a sentence. Also irritating is when someone “laughs” a sentence. What the writer means is “said with a smile/laugh.”

I came across a blog that addressed this very topic. The blog entry, by Casey Laughman at Gatehouse, echoed some of our occasional gripe sessions at work. It was like he had been in the room or something! Anyway, I thought it was interesting and he makes some excellent points.

Writing coach: The overused tragic and the underused said